I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
