do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
