so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
