You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
