its not stalking. its research.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize