you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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