he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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