those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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