she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
