so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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