your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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