Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
