Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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