So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I didn't shave. On purpose
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
North Korea, Best Korea!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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