dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
