How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
