if you like me you must not know who I am
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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