Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize