I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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