It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
