i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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