we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
