He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
