When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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