Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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