Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
and she was petting her beer can
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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