You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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