did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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