youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
