Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize