Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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