she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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