I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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