that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
