i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize