how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
