my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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