It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
