i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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