After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize