Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
