Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Boobs speak an international language.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
