You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
