We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
