I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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