I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
