before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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