We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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