Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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