you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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