I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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