We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I would ride that face into the sunset
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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