After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
