Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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