When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
