just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize