i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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