I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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