you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
