WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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