Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
