and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
