halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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