Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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