shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
