The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
